On the Real Me...

If you are coming to my house than remember that it is my house. If you don't like how clean it is or how many toys are around, then you can leave my house. I will not present to you someone that I am not. I don't have time for that, and it is not fair to you. You should not think I have it all together if I don't. You should think I have it exactly like I have it at the moment that you knock on my door.

My friend Wendi wrote this in a blog post entitled "A Real House."  You can find the whole piece here:  

http://www.flakymn.blogspot.com/

The part that I put in bold is something that I found out about myself in the Azores.  It is hard for me to live this, not that I want to look perfect, but because I don't like confrontation or having to say no to people and sometimes, it seems, these things come as part of the package of presenting who you really are.  I have been thinking so much lately of how many people know me, and I mean, really, really know me?  

I can only list maybe 3-4.  They take me for who I am, what I believe, where I am at in my life (2 kids and another on the way kind of place), and they just accept me there.  They know I have strong faith beliefs and that I consider the Bible to be my highest authority, but they also know that I am so far from perfect that I do not do what it says all the time.  They know that I can be blunt and opinionated, but that I have worked hard through the years to soften these qualities that I do not like about myself.  Again, still far from perfect.   

They know I am late with birthday cards and gifts, if I send one at all.  Heck, they know I run late to just about everything, no matter how hard I try.  They know I love to bake, scrapbook, and read, but these things rarely find time in my daily life (those three pesky boys and all).  They know I love those 3 pesky boys (four if you count Mike) more than anything and I would do just about anything for any of them.  

They know the little things about me:  how much I love a warm cup of coffee in the morning (or all day, lol), how I love a good Peppermint Mocha from Starbucks, how I would eat good ice cream almost anytime ever.  And they listen when I talk and surprise me that they remembered stuff I said or stuff I wanted.  

Genuine relationships are built on years of knowing people and/or making the effort to know them.  They are hard to put time into and hard to come by in the first place.  They are about showing your true self, allowing yourself to be known, and not having to worry that someone is going to stop loving you.  

These people are the ones who could knock on my door and see whatever is going on and just come right in and get their hands dirty.  They would not mind if it was chaotic or loud.  And if I actually had my feet up on the couch, they would go sit at the other end and put their feet up with me.  They want to know me and what is going on with me; they want me to give them a piece of my heart and they give me theirs in return.  For these people, I am thankful.  For the moments that I get to spend with them, growing our relationship I am thankful.  And for the moments, like this one, this morning, I am thankful for the memories we have made, for the times we spent together and for how you have helped me grow up and for how you will continue to help me grow better.