1 John 5:12 He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life.

I think back on my life before Jesus really made sense to me. I always had the faith to believe that He was God, that He came in human form and died on the cross for my sins. I did not understand though, that He died so I could have relationship with God the Father and live this life with the Holy Spirit in me. I did not understand the depth of His love for me; I felt so unworthy of that. And I am. But He gives grace, undeserved favor, to those who believe in His name, who believe and desire His salvation.

There was a time I went to church (when I was looking for Jesus), and I felt His presence so deeply, like He was actually wrapping His arms around me and showing me that if I wanted, we could do this life together. I had to let Him break me down to build me up. And omgoodness! I am sure He thought that was quite a process, stubborn as I am, going back and making the same mistakes and bad decisions over and over again.

But through that sometimes painful, sometimes joyful process God showed me Himself. He showed me His unconditional love through His Son, His Word, and His actual presence in every detail of my life. He showed me that I really can be content in all things, as His Word says. He continually shows me the person I want to be and gives me opportunities to grow into and be that person. I don't always do well with what He gives me to do. In fact, I am sure He sometimes must think, "You really messed that up." Sometimes I have no idea what He is trying to teach me/tell me. But I am sure of His love and His salvation. Because He gave me so much, my desire is to obey what His Word says and live the way Jesus lived. I believe my salvation, my place in heaven, is sure. But I am so grateful for this other knowledge: that I want God my Father to know and see that I am doing my best to live His way because of His love for me. I want Him to know that I have finally come to the place where I believe His way is best. He did not have to, but He chose to prove that to me. I am so thankful for His love. I want to live in that love and give that love.

John 15: 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 17 This is my command: Love each other.


Friends. Best friends. Jesus chose me to be His friend. He has made the Father's love known to me through His death on the cross and His residence in my life. And He is teaching me more of what that love looks like every day. In this love, I have found peace, joy, contentment, and freedom. I have moments of comparing what I have to what others have. I have moments where I want more. I have moments where I wonder what God is doing with my life, what are His purposes for me? But at the end of the day, I come back to His love and His Word and I remember that He has already given me abundant life in Him (and He has also blessed me in my natural life). And while those moments may come back to me on and off, it gets easier every day I live my life with Jesus, to be thankful for what I have rather than wanting what I do not.


In those times of thanks, which come more and more frequently with practice (thank you Ann Voskamp and "One Thousand Gifts"), I feel and know that I am connected to the greatest gift ever given. Life. This makes me determined to live the life I have to the fullest. To give grace lavishly. To serve humbly and to serve many. To be the detail that the Lord uses to show Himself in someone else's life.


Life is hard. And we have a lot of questions. But we have (or can have) a friend in Jesus. I don't even know what the rest of today will hold. But I know I have Jesus through it and His love will sustain me. I have never been more thankful for anything that His calling of me and being lead to Him. I find joy in that at this moment.

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us to good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

Sometimes I forget to pray that the Holy Spirit will keep taking up more of my heart, but that is surely what I want. I want to be person that lives out and has in her the fruits of the Spirit. I want to be that mom, wife, daughter and friend. But when I look at this list, I realize again how much I lack. But I am okay with that. I love this list. Just reading it to myself makes me feel peaceful and calm, with a knowledge that the Lord has it under control and He is growing me and changing me into a person with these qualities. The more I fall in love with Him, the more I know I am coming to a big harvest one day because He is the one working in me.


I especially want this list to come to mind in the hard moments. When I feel any kind of lack in my life or heart I want to remember that the Lord is filling me up with these things, growing me in the challenges and teaching me to be more like Him. I want to be able to let go of my own desires and allow Him to place in me what He has for me. I want to remember that while I might not understand the "whys" of this life, I can still allow the Lord to give me the Fruits of the Spirit in those hard times.


I want Him to feed my soul and spirit and right now, in this moment, I am so glad that is exactly what His Word does.

Galatians 4:16 Have I now become your enemy by telling you the truth?

4:20 how I wish I could be with you now and change my tone, because I am perplexed about you!

Paul was writing to the Galatians, whom he had previously visited and preached to, teaching them the life-saving grace of Jesus Christ. And then they fell away from Paul's teaching. Oh, how often I fear this happens to me! And then Paul writes to them to set them straight. He seems to believe they might turn completely away from him because he is calling out the wrong they are partaking in (although I think his question was rhetorical; the people he was writing to had not actually disassociated from him.)

This just made me think how hard it is to hear criticism/truth. I have come to a place where, at least in my mind, I want to hear it. I want to grow and be a better Christian, one who actually looks like Jesus, who loves like Jesus, and sometimes the only way to do that is to hear, repent of, and change the sin in our lives or the not-so-great things about ourselves. I can think of a few opportunities that have been presented to me in the months just since moving to the Azores. These times have given me the opportunity to examine myself and ask tough questions. And even though sometimes I know I would like to change, I wonder sometimes if I am capable. I know I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, but I still have moments where I wonder, "Why did I just do that/ say that?" when it was something I had resolved to work on.

When I got to verse 20, I almost laughed out loud. Paul says he wishes he could be with these people. How often I think that same thing when I want to talk about something deep with someone! I feel that criticism and deep thoughts are just so much better said in person, albeit sometimes much more uncomfortable. But how the end of the conversation might end--with a hug or moving onto another topic that is lighter, or with a cup of coffee and some time to share other things about life... well, I just always want that. I know for myself that I shy away from talking about deep stuff over the phone (where it relates to me in a personal way anyhow). Paul says he was perplexed! I can totally identify.

Paul was a normal guy in many ways: he had normal emotions for one thing. He loved people, but they perplexed him sometimes. He wanted to see fruit in their lives and he knew that was not happening. I often perplex myself in the same way. So I just have to stop and ask myself again and again and pray again and again for help: where is that fruit? what was it I wanted to change? how am I doing? what do I need to do differently? what will make me more like Jesus? I hope that the Lord will continue to grow me and show me. Every day I only want to be more like Him.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 Pray continually

Matthew 6:9 This then, is how you should pray: "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name..."

Another reason I want the boys to know Scripture is because it teaches us how to pray and encourages us to do so. I would love to inspire them that if they are thinking of someone or worried about something, to recall the Scripture that says to pray continually. I want them to know they do not have to be at the dinner table or kneeling by their beds to talk with the Lord. They can just tell Him what they are thinking right then and there. And also, if they memorize the Lord's Prayer one day, they will have a guideline for the things God wants to hear from them about. He wants to hear their praise, He wants them to be in line with His will, to ask for what they need for the day and for forgiveness of their sins, and for the strength to get through temptations and hard times.

2 Corinthians 2:17 Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God.

2 Corinthians 4:2 Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God.

I really do not know what took me to these scriptures, but when I read them, I thought: one way to speak before God with sincerity and to not distort His word is to speak it/pray it to Him literally. My friend brought up the fact that our translations do not always give us the entire meaning/picture of what Scripture is actually saying. I think that is true, and I hope that the boys grow into young men who will delve deeper into the meaning of the original Scripture. I know that every time I do that, I feel more connected with what God was actually saying and I have a greater understanding of His Word. Also though, the Lord knows our hearts. If we are praying His Word, as we know it, back to Him with a sincere heart, seeking Him, then He will bless that. If we know His Word literally and we can bring it to mind, then we will know what to pray and we will know what we are praying for/asking for is in line with God's Word.

John 15:7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be given to you.

Jesus tells us that He wants His words to remain in us. He does not say "the concept of me" or "the concept of my words." I tried to look up any extra meaning about this, but the internet was not very helpful this morning and I am running out of time. I also tried to look on E-sword, but I think I need to explore that a little more and figure out how to use it, lol. One of those things that is on my list. Time flies when I sit down to study, read, or figure out how to do/use something! Anyhow, back to the topic. Jesus was talking about Him being the Vine and us remaining in Him, meaning we need Him in order to have what we wish. And, if we know His words, they are in us, then what we wish will line up with what Jesus can/will give. I want that for my boys: to be in line with God and to have His purpose fulfilled in their lives. There is not a doubt in my mind that if they live for Christ, whether or not it looks like it to all the rest of us, their hearts will have joy.

OMGoodness!!! If you can believe this there is still more! For another day though... Much Love,

Carla

This is a post I never moved from my email, written just after the first of the year.

Matthew 25:46 "These people will go off to be punished forever, but the good people will go off to live forever." (NCV)

So, I don't actually have anything to say about this verse directly. It got me to thinking though, about how we often don't want to believe what the Bible is saying to us. We want to mold God into what we want Him to be. We want to believe that we don't need a Savior, that we are inherently good. We want to believe that hell does not exist...

I am, of course, juggling many balls. I am trying to finish up reading a controversial book, which then took me to other places to get answers to the questions I had after reading it. Then, that leads me to other places and I am on the internet for hours, browsing sites that I found interesting, convicting, or that I feel like I am learning something from. Today, I just got a reminder that started with a question: will I humbly believe in God's Word, even when I do not fully understand it every bit of it? Well, I suppose I have trouble with the idea of believing what I do not fully understand... However, God does state, through Jesus and the other inspired writers of the Word, that He is mysterious and that we will never fully know Him in this lifetime, but that He is holy, worthy of praise and trust. And with that, for me, comes comfort. I believe He is holy, worthy of praise and trust because I believe He sent His Son to die on the cross for us, that none who accepts the gift of His death on the cross should perish.

I believe that the Bible, all of it, is true. I believe that there are many, many people out there who have read and understand much more of it that I do. And so, I will take the time to read myself, to learn from them, and also to pray that God reveals to me what He wants me to know and see in His Word. I will ask that the Lord provide me the ability to trust Him, even when His Word says something hard to take in or that I do not understand. I am beyond the first hurdle: I have believed in Jesus death and resurrection, in His deity. I have believed in Him as my Savior... I have no trouble believing in supernatural things, and Jesus resurrection was certainly that. I have believed in something pretty unbelievalble:) I think I can keep doing more of the same, as I keep reading and delving more into God's holy Word.

Enjoy God and His Word in 2012 my friends!! Happy New Year!

Isaiah 55:11 So is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

I have a friend who knows about all the "school stuff" the boys and I are doing every week. One of the things we do are letter boards, each week focusing on the next letter of the alphabet. And we have taken some breaks in between and done a Thanksgiving and Christmas board. Each week I put scripture on the board and the boys and I memorize it. Then, we decorate the rest of the board with fun things related to the letter of the week. For example, for our "G" week, we decorated letter G's with glitter and made little goldfish, which we then glued to the board for display. As you might imagine, little kids love displaying their work.

This week my friend asked me why I think it is so important the boys memorize scripture and why it is so important to me in any personal way. I explained the best I could there in person, in that moment. But when I came home I ended up being so happy she asked the question. I think my answers in that moment were honest and valid. But her question spurred me on to sit down and look into the Bible to see what God actually says about His Word and it's importance. I sat down to do Bible study homework and got into this instead. My own personal Bible study! I was on fire finding scripture that I believe applies to this question. What I loved most about it was that I actually felt like the Lord was right there with me, spurring me on to know Him deeper and to really get my mind around how much He wants to know each one of us...

And that is one of the reasons I want the boys to memorize and know scripture: to know God. I don't think we can ever fully know Him, but His Word gives us the opportunity to relate to Him, to know His character, and to have some insight into His plan for us and His plan for creation.

Hebrews 4:12 For the Word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

I read this verse and then was thinking about how Jesus is called "The Word" in the first part of the book of John. This verse says to me that Jesus is living and active in our lives. Knowing the Word is having access to God through Christ; knowing the Word means knowing His promises to us.

Another reason I cited was that I want them to be able to pray scripture back to the Lord, which is what the scripture from Isaiah is talking about: God's Word will accomplish it's purpose. If we pray it directly back to Him, how much more powerful will that be. And, if we pray it exactly, we will be putting our prayers in line with what God's Word actually says, and not twisting it to fit our own desires.

Next, I want them to have God's Word written on their hearts and in their minds, so it will come to them whenever they need strength, comfort, wisdom, patience, and the list goes on...

Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it.
You cannot turn from something you have memorized. Many times stuff we learn as children comes back to us at the strangest times. I want the Lord to be able to use what I have taught the boys from His Word in their lives, whenever they need it.

Psalm 119:9 How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. 119:11 I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.

Deuteronomy 11:18 Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols to your hands and bind them on your foreheads.