Jefferson and Ann together. Love it.

I read this post by Jefferson Bethke (new fav) via Ann Voskamp's blog today.  Jefferson explained grace in such a way that reminded me again how grateful I am to Jesus for coming, for washing away my sin.

Jefferson talked about how we often hide from sin, as if we can ever really hide from God.  I am sure I do this.  My hope is that more and more, I will admit my shortcomings, my sins.  I really feel strongly that sin has power over us when we keep it secret.  When we are not willing to be authentic and share our struggles, those struggles keep a hold on us.  But when I bring them out into the open, when I admit that I am fallen in specific ways, the power goes out of the sin.  I might still struggle, sure.  But it is so much easier not to, because people already know.  If I said I had a bad day, no one would be surprised because I have already admitted the struggle.  I had already been honest about it.

One of the things I struggle with is being abrasive.  I might also describe this as blunt, passionate, not gentle, maybe sarcastic.  It can come across as judgment or condemnation, which would NEVER be my heart.  I find that it happens when I feel defensive and when I think I am right about something, but I feel like maybe I am not being listened to, like I don't have a "seat at the table."  I find that it helps when I can sit down with the person to whom I have come across this way and identify this shortcoming, apologize for hurt feelings, give a hug.  I really like to talk things out, not because it is easy, but because the power of the conflict dies away when we come together.  I like to talk things out because when I feel like both parties are heard, we each know one another better and we can come to a place of understanding, even if we still don't agree with each other fully.  I have seen this work enough times to know that is has deepened, improved, and made my relationships more functional and comfortable.

It is no secret that I am far from perfect.  The longer I live, the more I know how much I need Jesus and the more I am thankful for grace.  I am thankful that He has justified me to God, through the gift of His life on the Cross.  That gift is what makes me want to live out these days honoring God through the act of allowing the Holy Spirit to work in me.

Romans 12:3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

i read this awesome devotional today about perspective. the author talked about perspective being one of the things that hinders or helps in your walk with Christ. are you able to forgive yourself for past regrets and actions? or are you stuck thinking about the things that could have been or you could have done better? how about looking at yourself and your life from a God perspective? the God i know, is a loving and forgiving one. He casts our sins as far as the east is from the west. He lets go of the things we have done wrong once we have confessed that wrongdoing to Him.

sober judgment... the words themselves seem sober. i just think they mean to be realistic about yourself. i am not the one this world centers around. i am not the only one who needs things. i am not better than anyone else given the gift of life on this earth. in fact, i am much less. but... i am worthy of God's love and forgiveness. i am worthy of the plan He has for me, the Good plan. this is the perspective i want to have for myself: that i need the Lord as my Savior, that i am worthy of His love, and that He has great things for me. but also: that i am blessed to BE a blessing, that i have sinned and need His forgiveness, and that i need to live a faith filled life in order to live out the plan God has for me.

Romans 8: 4 He did this so that we could be the kind of people the law correctly wants us to be. Now we do not live following our sinful selves, but we live following the Spirit.

i have been thinking lately about how much those of us, myself definitely included, allow the world to invade or control us even though we have been given freedom in Jesus Christ. i have thought about how i have failed in the past and how i want to be better in the future: to love better, give more, and allow the Holy Spirit to invade me and allow me to live to the higher standards of the Lord. i am sure most people would look at me from the outside and see a "good person." but i know myself, my thoughts, my reactions to things that happen to me, the way i judge others inside my head. if my heart were truly good, my first thoughts would be ones of love, not jealousy, envy, or anger. that is what the Spirit helps us to be: truly good, acting and reacting with love to all the people in our lives, those we love and those we just happen to interact with.

Romans 5:7 Very few people will die to save the life of someone else. Although perhaps for a good person someon might possibly die. 8 But God shows his great love for us in this way: Christ died for us while we were still sinners.

The part that struck me about this passage was the "perhaps, for a good person" part. I would like to think there are many people I would die for. Certainly my kids or husband. I love them more than this life for sure, not to mention, I know where I am going when I die. But what about those that I love deeply? Would I give my life for them? I suppose it depends on the circumstance or the time I would have available to mull it over. How lame is that answer? The answer should be, "of course I would lay down my life for someone I love, no matter who that person is." And I would like to believe that in reality, if I had to make a choice, I would decide that I would give up my life for those people I love. But we are human. And we often choose ourselves first. I am reading this back to myself and wondering if I should delete... but I won't. Because this might be as honest and raw as it gets. I love my life, and the people in it. Why would I want to leave my life and those in it?

Maybe for the simple reason that Jesus did that very thing for me. He left Heaven, seated with God the Father to come down here and be a man. A man that died on a cross to reconcile me to God, that my sins might be forgiven and I can spend eternity in heaven when God decides to call me away from this life I love. Jesus: the most unselfish person to ever live, a God/man who actually did die for me, even though there is not a "good" bone in my body.