Hearts and Wings

Just the other day Jackson, Max and I watched a video of our little friend Sidge riding his bike with no training wheels.  Mike and I have not been very good about the whole riding bikes thing since we arrived in Hawaii.  But Sidge inspired us and we decided to get out there this past weekend.  Max really needs a big boy bike.  He is still riding around on his tricycle.  

Too.

Darn.

Funny. 

For as little as he is, he is also really too big for this little trike.  We are thinking he might do better with a balance bike than a real bike though.  

Mike and I have talked a bunch about getting the boys outside and riding and attempting to get Jackson's training wheels off.  My larger-than-life belly prevents me from being too much help in this area, and I really tend to think learning how to ride the bike sans training wheels is one of those moments Mike really wanted for himself.  Fine with me.  He put me in charge of the camera/video camera.  Apparently pregnancy brain also affected my ability to use the video portion of the camera and our first day out I did not get very good video.  

Or maybe it was not so much the pregnancy brain, but all the thoughts about my boys growing up that made me malfunction.  They are getting so big.  I mean, no training wheels?  When we got Jackson that bike, I thought this day was still a long way off.  And there he goes now, riding around with my heart.  I gave him my heart the day I knew he was growing in my belly.  And now I have to give him wings as well, to take my heart and learn from it how to love and be kind and grow up and be independent and not need me.  And I watch him doing all those things and it is so bittersweet.  

I have an uncle who once told me that my biggest job would be to raise them up so they won't need me anymore.  I know you are right Uncle Jerry.  The whole process is just a bittersweet one.  

Max has my heart too.  And I notice him walking around with it more and more, but he still has those moments when he just wants Mama.  He wants to cuddle with me on the couch and he wants me to hold him.  Jackson has outgrown the need and desire for mom to be physically close to him.  He needs my love, guidance, and attention, but not in that little baby/toddler way.  

But, I know we must be doing something right, watching my guys this year, soar with their own wings in so many ways.  And they are enjoying the flying, so I am doing my best to step back and let them soar.