1 John 5:12 He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life.

I think back on my life before Jesus really made sense to me. I always had the faith to believe that He was God, that He came in human form and died on the cross for my sins. I did not understand though, that He died so I could have relationship with God the Father and live this life with the Holy Spirit in me. I did not understand the depth of His love for me; I felt so unworthy of that. And I am. But He gives grace, undeserved favor, to those who believe in His name, who believe and desire His salvation.

There was a time I went to church (when I was looking for Jesus), and I felt His presence so deeply, like He was actually wrapping His arms around me and showing me that if I wanted, we could do this life together. I had to let Him break me down to build me up. And omgoodness! I am sure He thought that was quite a process, stubborn as I am, going back and making the same mistakes and bad decisions over and over again.

But through that sometimes painful, sometimes joyful process God showed me Himself. He showed me His unconditional love through His Son, His Word, and His actual presence in every detail of my life. He showed me that I really can be content in all things, as His Word says. He continually shows me the person I want to be and gives me opportunities to grow into and be that person. I don't always do well with what He gives me to do. In fact, I am sure He sometimes must think, "You really messed that up." Sometimes I have no idea what He is trying to teach me/tell me. But I am sure of His love and His salvation. Because He gave me so much, my desire is to obey what His Word says and live the way Jesus lived. I believe my salvation, my place in heaven, is sure. But I am so grateful for this other knowledge: that I want God my Father to know and see that I am doing my best to live His way because of His love for me. I want Him to know that I have finally come to the place where I believe His way is best. He did not have to, but He chose to prove that to me. I am so thankful for His love. I want to live in that love and give that love.

John 15: 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 17 This is my command: Love each other.


Friends. Best friends. Jesus chose me to be His friend. He has made the Father's love known to me through His death on the cross and His residence in my life. And He is teaching me more of what that love looks like every day. In this love, I have found peace, joy, contentment, and freedom. I have moments of comparing what I have to what others have. I have moments where I want more. I have moments where I wonder what God is doing with my life, what are His purposes for me? But at the end of the day, I come back to His love and His Word and I remember that He has already given me abundant life in Him (and He has also blessed me in my natural life). And while those moments may come back to me on and off, it gets easier every day I live my life with Jesus, to be thankful for what I have rather than wanting what I do not.


In those times of thanks, which come more and more frequently with practice (thank you Ann Voskamp and "One Thousand Gifts"), I feel and know that I am connected to the greatest gift ever given. Life. This makes me determined to live the life I have to the fullest. To give grace lavishly. To serve humbly and to serve many. To be the detail that the Lord uses to show Himself in someone else's life.


Life is hard. And we have a lot of questions. But we have (or can have) a friend in Jesus. I don't even know what the rest of today will hold. But I know I have Jesus through it and His love will sustain me. I have never been more thankful for anything that His calling of me and being lead to Him. I find joy in that at this moment.

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us to good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

Sometimes I forget to pray that the Holy Spirit will keep taking up more of my heart, but that is surely what I want. I want to be person that lives out and has in her the fruits of the Spirit. I want to be that mom, wife, daughter and friend. But when I look at this list, I realize again how much I lack. But I am okay with that. I love this list. Just reading it to myself makes me feel peaceful and calm, with a knowledge that the Lord has it under control and He is growing me and changing me into a person with these qualities. The more I fall in love with Him, the more I know I am coming to a big harvest one day because He is the one working in me.


I especially want this list to come to mind in the hard moments. When I feel any kind of lack in my life or heart I want to remember that the Lord is filling me up with these things, growing me in the challenges and teaching me to be more like Him. I want to be able to let go of my own desires and allow Him to place in me what He has for me. I want to remember that while I might not understand the "whys" of this life, I can still allow the Lord to give me the Fruits of the Spirit in those hard times.


I want Him to feed my soul and spirit and right now, in this moment, I am so glad that is exactly what His Word does.